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An archive of all past Queerly Embodied emails is now available. Simply scroll down to “Archive” on my website.
Before work this morning, I sat down to do a meditation to tap into the wisdom of my trans ancestors. Amid ongoing state violence and genocides, I listened to the wisdom of those who have come before me. I felt my trans ancestors’ resilience amid all the violence that has come before me, of what is still occurring.
And then I felt grief. That the resilience was necessary for my trans ancestors to survive. And I felt my body struggling to hold both, my system wanting to hold onto a binary of either/or. Resilience. It’s a complex word. If you’re living in a body that has been experiencing state based violence, genocide and marginalization, if you come from a lineage that has experienced these things, and in particular if you are living in a BIPOC body with a lineage of immigration and migration, tapping into resilience can bring up a lot of complex feelings. As I sat with my meditation this morning, I noticed my own internal tug. The tug to feel into resilience to stay present in my trans body and the current world. The tug to feel the grief of all my trans ancestors who had to be resilient simply to survive. It’s ok to honor the resilience within you and your ancestors.
It’s ok to feel grief, sadness, anger, and any other feelings about the systems that required you and your lineage to be resilient in the first place. Feelings aren’t binary.
If you are feeling a need to tap into resilience to survive, to engage with community, to show up for your family and your friends, but are also feeling any complex feelings around it, you make sense. You’re human. It’s not ok that certain folx have required to tap into resilience to survive because of oppressive systems. And it’s also ok to honor the lineage of resilience within yourself. A question I often ask myself, and find others asking me during my work with them, is: How can I hold both?
And, even more challenging, How can I soften into this place inside me that holds so much complexity? We honor and release. Strengthen and soften. As always, rituals help, as do finding micro-moments of resilience in the body. Finding rituals that honor the lineage of resistance that lives in you helps you learn how resilience lives in your unique body. Rituals for resilience and release are not new. They are deeply intersectional, rooted in the spiritual and community practices of BIPOC folx. Finding rituals to release the emotions that are understandably arising due to the ongoing state violence and genocide helps your body release what it’s holding. There is no one ritual that is the “right one.” Every body is intersectional and carries these lineages, these feelings, in a different way. The following prompts are starting points, embracing what resonates and composting what doesn’t. Find movements that help release the feelings that arise within you. Don’t prescribe a specific movement. Let your body tell you how it needs to release. Scream, sing, chant, loudly exhale. Feel the release. Create art. Create a physical altar or sanctuary that honors your lineage of resilience. Create one that honors your grief. Create one that honors whatever your body is holding inside.
As far as my own ritual this morning, I lit two candles. One candle represented the lineage of trans resilience and resistance. Another represented the grief I feel around the historical and ongoing state violence trans folx experience. I looked at both candles, felt my feet on the ground beneath me, and I breathed. I hope you can find one moment of ease today, and perhaps one small ritual that can honor how these feelings are held in your body in your own unique way.
In solidarity of all your body is holding today,
Eula
For more T4T mindfulness practices, visit my T4T meditations SoundCloud page. More will be added regularly.
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