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An archive of all past Queerly Embodied emails is now available. Simply scroll down to “Archive” on my website.
In my last newsletter, I talked about sips of safety, and how to create sustainable care for our bodies and nervous systems during escalating fascism. This month continues on that theme by talking about our protective systems.
In today’s part one, I’m going to talk about offering rituals of care to our protective systems, including a new T4T meditation. If you’re in a BIPOC body, a trans body, a gender expansive body, a body with a lineage of immigration and migration, you might be noticing that you have parts that are coming in to fiercely protect you. Hypervigilance. Panic. Dissociation. Numbness. Intrusive, repetitive thoughts that criticize you, who you are, how you express and present yourself to the world. These parts make sense. And, as hard as it is to feel these parts and feel at home with them, they’re doing everything they can to keep you safe right now. Our relationship to our protector parts can often feel like a tug-of-war. We may be on autopilot and not even know they’re there. We may want to push them away or get rid of them. Or we may feel like they completely take over our nervous systems, giving us little space to breathe.
Here’s the thing: We need our protector parts. For example: That hypervigilance you feel when you leave the house? That’s important. It helps you stay aware of your surroundings. That part that scans community spaces to gauge whether it’s safe to be in your specific embodied identities? That’s also important. It helps you determine who are your safe people and communities right now. That panic that arises and tries to re-enact every possible scenario so that you can plan for the worst, even if it doesn’t happen? That's trying to help you feel in control amid all the uncertainty. Even parts that come in with particularly harsh sensations and thoughts are trying to keep you safe.
When it gets crunchy is when we feel like we can’t distinguish safety from danger, when our protectors feel like they can’t get a break, and when our protectors come in so strong that we aren’t able to feel grounded enough to connect with others or find enough safety to catch our breaths. If we try to push past these parts, or ask them to go away, we’re likely going to experience a rubber band effect: The parts grip harder, and we feel even more distress. So here’s where we can shift from pushing away our protective systems to calling them in with rituals of care.
Shifting to offering our protective systems rituals of care can help us navigate ongoing fascism with more sips of safety, connection, and sustainability. The goal isn’t to make these parts go away. Instead, the goal is to build internal trust with these parts so they know they’re not alone.
Rituals of care are personal. There’s no one “right” way to offer care to your protective system. Honor and trust your intuition, your ancestral lineages and practices, and your own system to find a ritual that feels aligned and affirming. The goal is to establish something that feels aligned with your identities, sustainable, and accessible. The following is a list of ideas of ways to offer care to your system. As always, take what’s helpful, compost what’s not, and trust your system to tell you what rituals feel best.
New T4T meditation: Ritual of check-in with your protective system: This meditation guides you through a grounding sequence, followed by a gentle check-in with your protective system. This is practice you can do before leaving the house, or after coming back to a safe space after being out in the world. It finishes with some present moment sips of safety practices. As with any protector practice, take it slow, and honor the wisdom of your body.
Check in with your protectors before you leave the house. Let them know you appreciate them, that you’re going to listen to their feedback, and that you know they’re trying to keep you safe. When you return home, check back in with them again, re-orient to your space, and help them take in some sips of safety. (See my previous newsletter for some ideas on sips of safety.) You can use the above meditation to guide you through an example of this type of check-in.
Create an altar for your protectors. Place anything that symbolizes them in this space, as well as anything that feels important from of your ancestral or spiritual practices. Place photos of your ancestors (familial and chosen family ancestors), symbols, and any other meaningful pieces of art in this space to help represent support and care. Check in with this altar whenever you feel your protective system needs some care.
Journal, make music, or move as you feel into your protector parts. Give them a chance to express themselves via any of these mediums.
Connect to community to help your protective system know it’s not alone right now. Remember: Community doesn’t have to be large. It can be on other person. It can be a virtual check-in or a text exchange. Even if you can connect to one other person right now and establish some sips of safety together, you are building community.
In a few weeks, I’ll continue with part two of this series, where we’ll talk about how to hold the particularly crunch parts in our protective systems.
In solidarity,
Eula
For more T4T mindfulness practices, visit my T4T meditations SoundCloud page. More will be added regularly.
I have several slots open for pro bono, time-limited, virtual somatic resourcing sessions. For a full description of this offering, visit this link.
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