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You can now access all my T4T meditations on my website using this link.
This is part 5 in a new series about something very real for so many trans and gender expansive folx: Waiting for gender affirming care. Access the entire series on my website.
This article includes a bit of context around not feeling trans enough, and a written and recorded T4T practice on being with your body and system of parts.
On the days you don’t feel trans enough
“What if this means I’m not really trans?” “What if I’m not trans enough?” Sound familiar? You’re not alone. So many folx - myself included - experience variations of these thoughts throughout our gender journeys. Sometimes it can feel like trans imposter syndrome.
Today, I’m offering some tools on how to be with yourself on the days you don’t feel trans enough.
Some days, we have the strength to push through these thoughts. But even when we push through, it still has an impact on our bodies. Other days, pushing through isn’t an option, and we’re left with the full brunt of these parts’ stories about our existence. You are trans enough First, brief context. Our internal system of parts is influenced by so many things. Our family of origin, the messaging we receive from our culture and society, white supremacy, cisheteronormative culture and narratives, the medical gatekeeping system, the ongoing political rhetoric questioning and threatening the existence of trans folx…it all impacts our internal system of parts.
We don’t exist in a vacuum, so when we start to take care our ourselves when we experience feelings of not being trans enough, it’s important to honor the multitude of phenomena that shape our internal dialogue and beliefs about what it really means to be trans, and to be trans enough. Bottom line to the trans folx reading this newsletter: You are trans enough. However you present. Whatever gender affirming care you have, or have not, received. However your gender shifts or evolves over time. There is no such thing as the “right” way to be trans.
OK, but what about the days when I don't feel trans enough?
The practice: Noticing and witnessing Below, I offer an abbreviated version of an IFS-led process, where we slow down and get curious about the part, or constellation of parts, that come in questioning your transness. At any point, if any parts say “no,” or the body says “no,” pause, and honor that. Just stay with the no and honor your capacity. A link to the recorded version of this practice is here.
The invitation Take a moment and take in the phrase, “I am trans enough.” How does your body react? What parts come online? Maybe you can fully take in this phrase. Or maybe, you notice something. A tension in the stomach. A gripping in the shoulders. Or a part that says that’s not true, some variation of not being trans enough. Or you experience the part visually. Before going any further, notice how you experience the constellation of parts that emerge.
Getting curious If it feels accessible, get curious about this body sensation and this part, without trying to change it. See if it wants to send some time with you. Ask if it wants to tell you why it’s here, what its role is, how long it’s been with you. What causes this part to come online? What has influenced this part’s views about what it means to be trans? Start to be with this part and see if you can understand more about who or what this part is trying to protect. See if the part wants to share what it’s afraid would happen if it didn’t come in the way it does.
Being with See how it feels to develop a relationship with this part. Notice how your body responds by slowing down with curiosity. See if you want to invite in ancestors, transcestors, or nature elements to further support your system. Close the practice by offering gratitude to the part and see if the part is open to checking in like this more often.
Care for the body
Notice if anything in the body wants to happen - any movement, any shift in posture, any type of breath work. Let it be intuitive. It’s also ok if your body wants stillness. For a recorded version of this practice, click this link. In solidarity,
Eula ——
If you are interested in individual therapy, somatic coaching or 1:1 professional consultation, check out my services tab on my website for more information.
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