Embodiment: Why it matters in therapy
“I think it’s one of the hardest things in the world to somehow make sure that the ones you love receive your care for them as physical information, as definite as raindrops hitting your palm. Like when you hold your hand out to check if it’s raining and it is.” - Helen Oyeyemi
The above passage from Oyeyemi hits at the heart of why embodiment in therapy is so effective. It’s one thing to know something intellectually, to know it in the mind. It’s another to feel it in your body, in your being. And it’s yet another layer when in relationship for you or your partner to feel that sense of a secure bond.
When I work with individuals and relationships, we work with what I like to call the “bodymind.” Instead of viewing the mind and body as separate entities, we start to work with them as a whole. When we engage in relationship therapy, there are two bodyminds co-existing simultaneously. It’s a system of information giving and receiving, a unique dance of moment-by-moment interaction. Tuning in helps you and your partner understand what gets in the way of feeling connected, and also helps you both experience connection in a deeper way.
“Embodiment is about what is, not about what should be or could be.” - Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen
Another reason embodiment can be so meaningful in therapy is that it cuts through the clutter that prevents us from understanding what’s actually happening in the present moment. The shoulds, coulds, and interpretations of the mind can keep us from what really needs our attention and healing. When we drop into what’s here, right now, and stay present together in session and listen, we often start to hear and understand parts of ourselves that need our attention. Parts that have been holding onto hurt and pain. Parts that have been trying to get our attention the best ways they know how. Parts that may not feel safe even though our minds are telling them everything is ok now.
So how do we connect to the bodymind?
Many of us haven’t grown up with a lot of language around embodiment. Others, myself included, spent years dissociated from our bodies because it felt unsafe and too overwhelming. Using my own experience of coming back into my body, I bring a lot of compassion, gentleness, collaboration and pacing to my work. There’s a reason many of us are hesitant to connect to the body. As Tara Brach often says, “The issues are in our tissues.” Here are some of the guiding principles I use for myself and my work with folx in coming home to the body:
We establish and continually co-create safety. This is an ongoing journey that’s unique to each person.
We do it together, in relationship. I’m with you each step of the way, checking in, guiding, and collaborating.
We go slow.
We take a gentle pace that honors all your protections and experiences.
We develop resources (think of it as supports, like scaffolding or a nice cushioned floatation device) so that you feel supported.
We titrate together so that you have the opportunity to digest and integrate your experiences.
We find glimmers and joy! After all, just like our bodies hold the pain, our bodies also hold moments of joy and ease. Embodiment is as much about recognizing and savoring these moments as it is about being with the pain.
